atlantis princess

2005-10-28T10:28:00.000+08:00

grossed out...

i dont like exams.. i think wat i study is interesting, but i juz dn like the idea of being tested on them. its still boils down to memory work n now, application of these theories to real-life situation, but its still v dead.. sigh.. tot uni cld be different.. anyway, one week plus 2 days left to final exams, and i suddenly feel as if its A-level 2nd round.. cuz the timing's abt the same.. rmb last yr GP paper was on 4th nov? abt there la.. and now got the same feeling, cuz its final exam.. hw can we possibly squeeze a few months worth of studying into a week of exams and den say good bye to these modules?

anyway, i m somewhat glad my exams will finish in 1 week..i cant wait to get back my life.. nowadays, my bed time is 3am.. and i struggle to wake up.. blaming myself if i cant get up at 8.. get up = study, after lunch = study, after dinner = study.. den sleep feels like non-existent as it passes by too quickly.. haiz.. er xin.. to keep on studying.. all i m surrounded with is notes containing words.. i havent watched tv n looked at moving visuals for eternity!! arh!! i wanna rewatch all my jap vcds in the holidays, go out n tan at sentosa, go swimming, watch movies, and just slack and sleep till i m full...

- goodbye, till the exams end -

2005-10-20T15:04:00.000+08:00

books and aspirations...

when i was young, i had many ambitions and aspirations, just like children usually do.. they include being a career-woman so i can wear a different pair of high-heels to work everyday, a magazine model so i can look fabulous in clothes that will never look right on anyone walking down the street, a teacher cuz' they were the ones who i came into contact early in life, a air stewardness or flight stewardness as they call it now cuz' i can travel around the world in 80 days, an actress so i can be different characters in every show and explore those unknown sides of me, and a journalist/reporter so i can appear on TV with all the exciting news, etc.. but there's one aspiration that i had in the past, and it hasnt changed till today.. it began when i nurtured my love for reading (fiction).. to become an author..

when i read nice fiction, n get caught up in the whole book, and feel so closely connected to the characers in it dat i feel a loss when the book ends, i get awed by what words can deliver, and do. i feel words empower.. and often wonder if ever one day, i will be an author writing books that give my readers tt kind of awe, tt kind of satisfaction, tt kind of loss. thats prob why i keep a diary, besides the fact tt it is like a storage bank bcuz i m forgetful.. sometimes i have this urge, this longing to go read it to retrieve the memories and happenings of before.. and i will feel like deeply comforted by my words.. even they are not poetic or literary writing, but these words were written by me, and means alot to me.. they are like tangible representation of my life, the people in my life, and my growing up and wiser process.. and even tho the past has long gone, the words give them life, and make the memories seemingly belonging back to that timeframe and as if i m transported along.. and now, i also long to read it, but its all the way (1 and a half hr's journey) inside a drawer at Bedok Reservoir.

but as i grow older, and now studying about the media, i see how my aspiration mite be finalised. but nevertheless, even if i nv do publish any books, i will be comforted that my words mean something to me, and be thankful that many beautiful books exist in the library, contributed by authors from other countries, and that i can still read them and lose myself in the world they created.

sometimes, i wish i was born in another country. then maybe i will become an author. well, maybe i can fulfill another of my endless dreams.. to work in a fashion and beauty magz such as CLEO.. hmm...

2005-10-09T16:29:00.000+08:00

_been some time since i got inspired_

Time
It does not
It should not
It can not
erase memories

The awkward act of arm on waist
The interlinked fingers while crossing the road
The first peck on the cheeks
The butterflies in the stomach
The blush aggravated by friends' teasing
They stay.
Quiescent in the box
They sometimes fade
But somehow they still resurface
The sweetThe bitterThe nastymemories
They remain.
Despite time.Unerased.Fixed.

Deceiving keepsake
I saw its replica
I thought of you
A tangible reminder
The only one since that day
The memories fade sometimes
Nothing else concrete
A meaningless carbon copy
Self-deception it is
But I bought it
anyway

not anymore
how could i love him now
how could i love him still
are we not just acquainted strangers
our perception and understanding
remaining just in the memory
not knowing the changes since
left with the stagnant yester days
how could it be meaningful still
but meaningful it is
hopeful i am
painful it might be
though i love not him
once.before.previously.
Not Anymore.

i like that every fullstop, every non-existent question mark, every non spacing, every non upper case were carefully placed, that all meant something, that all contributed to the mood and deeper understanding of these words.

2005-10-08T01:02:00.000+08:00

MISunderstanding...

no one really understands yourself like you do... but do you understand urself totally as well?
i sometimes feel no1 can truly understand me, how i feel, what i feel, what i think, what's gg on in my life, and then they impose judgments already.. why do we question ppl when we see them sad or unhappy? do we really care hw they feel? or do we juz wanna make ourselves better when we asked them dont be sad.. cuz if we see them sad, we dont feel good.. and in order to make ourselves feel better n nt guilty for the person's sadness, we say 'dun be so sad la...' i caught myself saying tt to huiwen when she told me she lost her hp.. and immediately told myself off. i thk its such a overly used phrase tt is meaningless..

the person wont stop being unhappy juz cuz u said so. prob makes him/her feel worse or the same cuz u are denying his feelings and asking him to stop feelin tt way, as if tts wrong.. (learnt all these in 101 textbk, but rather make sense when i thk abt it)

if we just ask pple why they look unhappy cuz we dont wish to see tt and allow it (perhaps) to influence us as well, rather den real concern, we are just encouraging others to pretend there's no worries/problems they are facing.. others will next appear always cheery and smiling.. but is tt just a facade? sometimes i do feel tt way.. cuz its easier to force a smile.. and sweep ur problems under the carpet when u face others.. but beneath that shell, the vulnerablility and suppressed tears are things that others dont see...

i sometimes also hate pple asking me 'how r u?' or 'how's tings gg on?'... i noe they mite be really like concerned, but often i feel thats more like a conversation starter.. to me its nt a good choice.. cuz u cant sum up the ans to 'how are things?' in a sentence or short phrase.. ppl often expect u to say tings like Fine.., good.., OK... thats wat i hate! i always say 'i'm ok lor', or 'things are ok..' when i dun mean it.. i m stuck in dilemma whenever i m asked tt qns.. cuz i m nt really OK! but why shd i tell u, or in fact, how shd i tell u?? OK is juz an answer u wish to get and i conveniently give u.. so tht both of us will feel better.. shd i instead reply 'Oh, u noe tings are nt really ok.. very horrible.. my projects.. my lectures.. i m not adapting well.. i feel i m giving off negative vibes.. am i having low self-esteem? blah blah blah'??? i dont thk tts the answer they are expecting.. it will prob shock them, cuz after listening to that, they wont noe wat to reply to make u feel better.. den it mite go back to the vicious cycle of nt understanding or really noeing ur situation n ur feelings, and try to just help u solve by saying 'dont thk too much la, dont be too sad/worried, everyting will be ok!'.. BUT what do u noe??

damn.. i m like so skeptical of people.. increasingly i feel i m alone.. but at least it makes me feel better that even tho humans may fail me, but there is someone who is always present.. God and his peace.. his quiet assurance that He will see me through every circumstance of my life.. (learnt in today's follow up with eliza).. really appreciated eliza's prayer for me every session.. makes me feel much more encouraged..

2005-10-06T15:25:00.000+08:00

:: presentations and reports ::

its going to be a busy 2 weeks ahead.. 2 reports and 2 presentations.. plus assignment to be handed up!! hope i can survive this 2 weeks.. i dun really tt much care what kinda grade i get.. esp for 102.. just dun be tt lousy.. i m nt after an A.. cuz i dun understand what the question wans us to do really.. anyway, i got back my 104 group assignment and yeah, we got a better grade than previously.. B+/A-. so i guess tt is good news cuz i wont have to do individual report to pull up the grade.. i will be too busy to do also.. prob will pull my grade down if i did it anyway.. so thank God!! i guess that will average out into a B grade ba.. altho i scare i wont do too well in final exams for 104 den the whole ting comes dw to a C.. but whatever la..

Sometimes, i reflect on life, and see things in a whole new light. life is not really about exams and results. not about competition and winning. cuz life is too short, and we shdnt be overly concerned or stressed out over these tings.. school is only an experience, where we go to nurture our character, shape our perspectives, learn new stuff and gain knowledge, make frens and interact.. at least i thk it shd be tis way... busy but fun kind of way.. but sadly, its nt really tis way in our society.. i dont really wanna gif myself too much stress.. and thk abt getting first class honours or all As.. i just wanna try my best.. and leave the rest to God.. anyway i predict i wont be a really career-woman type of lady.. even tho i had always envisioned myself to b.. kinda thk that i just wan a simple life, comfortable needs met, and just live happily each day as it comes.. with our future london, and faith and ethan... (haha.. only U noe what i meant rite? *smiles*) family life, and interaction shd form the basic and most essential part of our lives...

sometimes, i really dislike tis world i m living in.. and even more dreads and fears the society and hw tings are gonna change in the world 20-40 years later.. will the world be even more scary, where every1 is bombing every1 everyday, that i mite nt even live till 50 cuz singapore is attacked or sth? or will we all get sucked into the 7 sins, esp greed (for $$$, not food) that we all bcome selfish, materialistic and inhuman creatures? i shudder to thk too much upon tis.. tis world is too complicated for my liking..

suddenly thk of avril lavigne's "Complicated" (love tis song) where it goes

Life's like this you
and You fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into
honesty
promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
no no no

2005-09-29T01:27:00.000+08:00

a good time since ages..

went out with baby just now.. caught "The Dukes of Hazzard".. pretty comical funny.. but jessica simpson's role was kinda like for flaunting of assets than for showing her acting skills.. overall, it was interesting enuff cuz i didnt really get bored.. in my opinion, its abt 3/5 stars.. watchable, but not a must watch..

had pizza for dinner! yum! the black pepper beef pizza wic dint appear too nice on its arrival on the table was surprisingly great! now we noe we cant judge a pizza by its cover as well.. hahs.. really nice.. and spicy drumlets too.. such a long time since i had pizza lor.. thanks for treating baby..

created new nicks for both of us.. i m DBS.. he is POSB.. lol.. my nick is v bps one la.. so dun wanna say here.. his is pillar of support (for me) boy.. kinda cheesy.. haha.. but tts really true! he's my motivation if nt for his support, i would have fallen.. thankz baby! :)

while reading 101 textbook, came across tis nice simple poem. "Our common humanity transcends many of our differences", an idea beautifully expressed in this poem by Maya Angelou:

Human Family

I note the obvious differences
between each sort and type,
but we are more alike, my friends
than we are unalike.
We are more alike, my friends
than we are unalike.

it just encapsulates the idea that we are nt tt different at all.. every1 despite our cultural differences, still all have feelings, dreams, hopes, fears and values that may be similar.. cuz we are all humans..

just a random sudden thot:

i may be alone, but i am not lonely. Physically i may be one person, but emotionally, there are no spaces left in my heart. The spaces have been filled up by support. :) u noe who u are...

2005-09-26T20:19:00.000+08:00

happy and pleased...

i m so happy today! my 1st driving lesson that i DID NOT stall the engine, not even once.. and it was quite surprising i din even thk or worry abt it.. so its was only after the lesson tt i realized, hey, i din stall! :) gives me such a big satisfaction! i thk i have finally mastered hw to move off 'carefully' without over releasing clutch and learnt hw to 'manipulate' the accelerator haha..

of cuz, my turning still lousy.cuz i find it hard to gauge when to turn only half, when to turn alot (steering wheel).. and den we went on tis new road.. its was like so empty.. prob many ppl din noe abt it or sth.. it felt like a mini-expressway.. speed limit 70km/hr.. felt so cool n great driving dwn that road.. like i own it.. and the road actually linked from kaki bukit there to either bedok nrth or tampines.. and i went tampines.. den went back using the same "mini-expressway" hah!

i kinda dont mind having to change gears now.. its nt so ma fan to me now.. maybe cuz after doing it so many times, more xi guan to it le.. in fact, i feel manual cars give more control.. auto cars like v dangerous and harder to control cuz if u press accelerator too much, it will totally fly.. and it seems more dangerous to just stop using the brake.. hmm.. but i will stil go for auto cars.. less hassle..

upcoming in 5 or 6 weeks is my exams.. damn.. feel so surreal.. i stil feel like sch juz started or sth.. cuz like last time, our 'final' exams are per year.. but now it goes by modules.. so its every half a year.. so bloody fast! i do enjoy wat i m learning.. but not all modules.. stuff like 111.. bores me.. its really national education.. but of cuz we do have to noe someting abt singapore if we are gg to b journalists.. nt some ignorant fellow.. whatever.. just pray i can get average Bs for all modules..

also mite be gg to Australia in dec! yeah.. cuz my cousin's graduation!! 2 weeks! but not confirmed yet.. even so, the idea and possibility excites me.. its time to get out of dull stifling singapore! haha..

2005-09-25T23:40:00.000+08:00

i kinda believe in retail therapy...

i love sunglasses!! i love trying on them!
i love watches! i realized they are so worthy.. can change your watch according to ur mood or outfit...
i love shoes! i have too maany... still not enough.. cuz theres always a shoe for an occasion..

i wanna get the casio watch tt i saw.. altho its pink colour watchface (i dislike pink), but i m like yi jian zhong qing with it.. ever since i saw it.. i felt its uniqueness.. and felt the 'want' in me rising.. its not cheap.. but i kinda decided to put away some $$ for it.. till i can afford it.. in tt way, it also allows me to have some 2nd thoughts.. if i come across other nicer ones, or decide that i dont wanna splurge anymore, then its like a preventive tool.. haha.. prevent impulse buying..

i like all the sunglasses i tried at john little just nw! the white framed one, the clear green one, the big framed one.. so cool!! too bad, my life now is a student.. = going out v rarely.. and since singapore is so small that i can only thk of 2 logical & reasonable places to wear my sunglasses to (orchard and sentosa).. its kinda nt worth the $$ to buy them home.. i shd just be satisfied with trying and taking photos with them on.. hehe...

shoes.. my definition of shoes is broad.. it is anyting,and everyting tt can be worn by ur feet.. meaning slippers, sandals, heels, clogs, stilettos, sports shoes etc are all shoes.. and i m always attracted to them.. esp heels.. just nw (at john little again...) theres like so nice sporty-looking (meaning nt exactly sports shoes) shoes that were juz so nice! arh! but of cuz i cant buy anymore.. this yr alone.. i bought erm.. 6 shoes! including yest's slippers.. the damage it did to my pockets is enuff.. i have too many shoes to count.. i'm not really a bag's lady like shuen yun..haha.. my bags are mostly "inherited" from my sister..

ah! i love lingerie that has cartoons on them! my collection is building up.. haha.. it just spices up my mood when i open my drawer to decide wic one to wear.. it makes me happy.. hehe.. but tts another topic for another day.. :)

i'm such a lady (or girl) sometimes!

2005-09-23T13:23:00.000+08:00

cheerleading power...

last nite had my first cheerleading session.. it was pretty fun!! even right now.. and before i slept, the images of the stunts we tried out kept running in my mind.. have the urge to do them now.. haha.. it kinda gives the feeling of adrenaline and hyperness.. esp the sweep.. even tho i always close my eyes when they drop me down from that height.. haha.. cuz when u eventually abt 2 secs later feel urself fall into the arms of 3 guys who are reliable and strong (haha), u feel v secure.. as if u can overcome anyting..

of cuz, after the session, my waist felt kinda aching due to the 'pinching' effect when we had to do the jump and sit.. but today better le.. and it gives me some sort of satisfaction after i managed to learn hw to jump n sit on the guy's shoulders (poor ting they all), dismount from their shoulders, and stand on their shoulders (imagine ur shoulders getting stepped by shoes!) and d 'ferris wheel'' turn wic kinda felt dizzy at first.. felt good cuz at 1st i was v hesistant.. din thk i will be able to overcome.. then i keep telling myself to remain calm and dun thk so much, just concentrate.. den it kinda worked.. of cuz i was like praying hard to God also..haha.. looking forward to tues.. where we will learn more diff stuff.. these are just basic..

the ting abt uni life tt pleases me.. is tt i m learning more stuff.. taking up activities i din get the chance to do in my previous schools.. and opening up myself into joining them.. gone are the days where i thk ccas are a waste of time, and wic i tried to avoid joining.. now, i treat these activities as challenges.. tings tt if i dun try now, i wont have the chance ever again once i step into the working world.. and believing they will help me cultivate my personality and confidence.. its nt tt bad after all.. thking back, i wished i hadnt quit student council.. haha..

2005-09-21T16:26:00.000+08:00

pon lecture..

lessons all the way from 830 till 330 with 1 hr lunch break.. v tired.. mentally as well..cant concentrate in class.. fell asleep in 102 tutorial.. and dec to skip 101 lec.. since its prob nth much..go there also waste time..

later still have foc and social meetings..haiz.. there goes my whole night to be spent on meetings.. sometimes, i thk these are just obligations.. when we really dun wanna attend.. but bopian.. if only i stay in the west, i will only join hall activities for fun rather den for the pts.. haiz.. tis makes me reconsider whether i wanna stay in hall thruout my years in ntu.. wouldnt it be a bore or even a drag to have to join similar activities every yr juz to stay in hall.. surely it will get monotonous after sometime?

i m worried for my exams already.. for my projects.. the GPA system.. next sem, it will prob b worse as i will start havin headache deciding what elective to take, and whether i wan 2 minor in anyting.haiz.. somehow i feel all those nice stuff during uni open house etc when they are trying to promote their courses are just a facade.. now i m in mass comm, i dont c the glamour, i dont c the wonderful how many millions studio or facilities, or the exciting stuff we can do practically.. its just notes and presentations tt are far too fast and content laden for me to absorb anyting.. am i the only one worried?

uni life is crappy.. i miss jc, i miss sec.. i miss my frens.. i have no clique here! miss my family.. my tv.. my life before uni.. my baby.. and its making tings difficult for me.. it contributes to my ill-feelings regarding uni life.. i saw some1 blog who commented hall life is all FUN FUN FUN, and every1 puts on a mask and hide away their problems..i feel tt way too.. its only fun tt can b shared.. problems just swept away, under the carpet..

its tiring to put on a facade...

2005-09-19T17:59:00.000+08:00

another poor attempt...

i guess my driving can be affected by my mood, and worse still, the shoes i wear.. stupid me! shd have wore the shoes with the thin sole i usually wear to drive..but as a result of change of driving date, i actually dec to try wearing sandals.. and tt really sucks.. feel v nervous when i started off. with my toes perspiring and me making a mental note not to wear these shoes again.. 10 mins into the lesson, i stalled the engine for the 1st time.. sad!! and on top of that, my mood was kinda sombre since tis morn.. and it din helped tt i had a whole morning till afternoon nonstop lessons.. and rushed fr NTU to eunos juz to have driving.. so nt really in my best 'situation'..

also stalled a few other times, but mostly nt due to when moving off.thus i actually m stil quite pleased with myself. in summary:

things i am happy abt:
1) finally stop stalling when moving off
2) remember to release accelerator when changing gears
3) sort-of know how to balance the car and stupid biting pt when moving off a up slope
4) sort-of know how to reverse and park car
5) know how to change lanes and overtake others
6) stopped looking at the gear so much when changing
7) got habit of looking in mirrors

things i think drives the instructor crazy and myself too:
1) always steer wrongly when turning; either too much or too little, too fast or too slow, and my hands in the wrong position ("luan qi ba zhao" as my instructor says)
2) still dun really noe hw to see blind spots cuz its like so just beside u??
3) still stalling for various reasons like when i m nervous
4) still nt quite sure when shd i change gears up and down, except for 1-2

today i wld rate myself as 2.5/5? in terms of effort.. but i thk overall, it will be only 2/5 cuz thk my mood wasnt tt good.. last fri tho i was satisfied with the lesson hehe..
anyway, i almost hit a cat juz nw.. why does it has to cross the road suddenly, causing me to brake suddenly and wanting to stop and in the end brake too much nv stop and cause me to stall!!! i hate cats! but i thk it wasnt hurt.. i still felt guilty i must have given it a shock! well, at least i can take revenge hah who ask cats always coming to shock me in the middle of d nite..

so tired.. tis week v busy! tml got investiture nid to go take photos.. wed FOC meeting.. thurs cheerleading.. shit! whr got time to study.. i dun thk i have time to go for Inter hall games traing la.. shuhui still asked me whether i interested to join her committee for CS DnD.. interested la but no use, i scared i cant cope.. if the pts were for tis year, then i will go for tt rather than cheerleading.. but stupid pts system for duno wat reason must allocate special projects points to next yr.. argh! wasting our efforts...

i am nt sure how long i can take tis.. perhaps i shd just treat all these as challenges and new tings i will learn, rather den stressing myself.. but the projects deadline are nearing.. :(
i'm worried for 102 and 111 yellow ribbon!!!

2005-09-12T16:34:00.000+08:00

i am a sucky learner driver!!

just came back from my driving lesson.. more and more wishing tt i had learnt auto instead.. all the changing gears and stalling engines are driving me mad! and my instructor too.. its so leceh.. whoever invented auto is really genius man.. why would a sane lady or woman or girl like me wan to learn manual so tht we can 'drive any cars we want to in the future, not just restricted to auto' (quoted my mum) since we 'will buy auto cars!' (my retort). and in my mind, i conjured up images of emergency cases whereby i need to save a life or help someone get to hospital or wat and find out i cant drive manual and have to be guilty of my life cuz all i failed to save a life cuz of my manual-less ability, and this somewhat consoles me that i m potentially doing a good deed by learning manual.. and after today's lesson, it struck me really that i will nt pass my practical on 1st attempt..hopefully with luck, 2nd can pass even.. but i m those type tt will panick when nervous and everyting i learn may just fly out of the window.. and i got tis 'sure' feeling i mite stall the engine on my practical.. or maybe i will really improve by then..hahs..

halfway thru the lesson, i felt really depressed.. tot it was the worst and poorest lesson i had so far.. cuz i kept making silly mistakes.. and the prob was i din even realize i was making them.. eg: stepping on the accelerator while chaanging gears.. i do hear the engine making noise,but i thk i m too overly concerned abt changing gear properly and correctly w/o looking at them to realize the noise actually comes from me stepping on the acc.. zZz.. the drive on the road was nt smooth today.. but at least i managed to negotiate the bends and change lanes myself.. without any steering help from him.. and driving on d road is really ma fan.. have to b really quick, cuz traffic lite change anyhow n anytime.. the vehicle infront of u may affect u.. blah blah..and most of the time, i exasperate those drivers behind me so much that they always look for opportunities to cut lane and overtake me..which makes me feel like a slow idiot.. luckily the rain stopped.. if nt, i duno hw to drive carefully in rain man.. its hard enuff in normal conditions..

no matter wat, i must get my licence! dun wanna be driven ard and cant drive myself..thats such a miserable feeling esp when i m in my 30s.. i dont believe i cant.. i have the determination.. i will learn! at most i tk auto.. hahs.. no la.. i thk u-turn and reversing and parking is gg to kill me as well.. arghh! nvm, i 'll cross those bridges when i come to them..

shuenyun! quickly pass ur practical den i go be ur first customer k.. hahs..gd luck!

2005-09-12T11:53:00.000+08:00

holidays blues...

look at this interesting find:
altho it implies lesbianism la.. but i have to admit its kinda cute.. not the act of kiss itself.. but the little girl jumping up trying to get a muack muack from the older one.. seems v innocent.. like sisterly kind of love.. like the older girl is like thking 'aiya.. wanna get a kiss huh? nah, there u go..so ma fan u..' hahs.. tts wat i thk..rather than like its gross..

its so great nw that blogger allows us to easily put up photos & images! hehe..tt will be useful if i come across any interesting images like the above or wan2 post photos.. nt like last time.. do the html manually one by one till i pek chek..

haiz.. so fast 2 days of hols have passed.. went to catch 'one more chance' (or "3 ge hao ren") on sat with baby at TM.. tot it was kinda touching la..the part where the ah hwee's mum actually cried and revealed that the only 'thing' she has left is a 'hwee' character on her palm.. however, i felt that d movie was like more of love story lea.. hahs.. cuz it didnt really show that ex-convicts like them did get help in the end.. besides being entertaining N funny.. the movie prob din address its main objective.. altho i guess it did let the public who viewed it realize that ex-convicts have a real difficult time trying to get jobs, and get acceptance by their family,etc..

i saw one part wic actually kinda disgusted me abt kids!! kids can actually be v cruel and too frank, as shown in d movie, wherby a kid exposed the mark lee's character's daughter when she lied saying her father's occupation was a soldier or sth.. then the kid was like 'ta pian ren de! ta pa pa shi zuo lao de'.. and den a bunch of her classmates teased her asking what her father went to jail for.. was it murder, rape, molest, blah.. they were like so rude.. when the daughter threw her cup of punch or what drink on them, i actually squealed in delight inside me. hahs!

yest went to orchard with mummy.. to support my bro who set up a tent selling KAPO stuff & toys there outside taka.. tis is kinda a free advertisement.. ahaa.. KAPO is this super monkie..quite cute.. but den, i guess it wont really appeal to frens of mine.cuz we prob are too old to spend money on these kinda cutie stuff. but there are some really nice stuff.. at affordable prices..like ezlink card holder $2, purses @$1.90 and this reali nice furry covered notebook! i like it man..plus those stuff u can rest ur wrist on when using mouse/keyboard.. the stuff toys are quite ex..the super super big one cost over $200! wow man..wonder who will buy tt!?? i rather eat a meal.. ahas.. brother ask me to ask my bf to buy for me.. i was thking, haah i rather ask him buy other stuff.. but hey, if u are gg orchard,just go take a look k? :)

oh yah, i saw many earrings and jewelry stalls only selling at $2 man! i bought a pair.. wanted to buy more, but mummy der ma..so must control.. haa.. wait till tis wed when i go again! hahs.. theres tis realy nice jade anklet.. (fake jade of cuz).. earrings freak.. laz time i hate to wear lor..duno y tis change in me.. guess cuz i realize that its useful in 'spicing' up a plain outfit.. hehe..

$2 earrings, here i come!!

2005-09-08T18:52:00.001+08:00

back home...

fell asleep thruout the whole journey home.. on 199.. den after boarding the MRT felt actually nt so sleepy le.. den i knew hw to make myself sleepy..so i took out my 111 readings.. started to read, quite ok actually, the article abt women abuse.. but somehow i thk i still fell aslp.. hearing buona vista and commonwealth and den into deep sleep.. it was somewhere like City hall when i kinda woke up. realized that when i slp on MRT, the journey seems faster.. haha.. den continued awhile till paya lebar.. scared to overslp.. hahs..

have been slping v late this week.. and it really shows on my face man.. the pimples, bad skin and black eye rings damn gross..hate looking at the mirror n seeing this me.. cant conc in class also.. i was hearing cherian speak..but not listening.. haha.. wic is really bad.. but anw, i thk i prefer KK's tutorial.. he allows us to speak up more..while in Cherian's tutorial, i feel really suppressed, cuz he was the one keep talking..and wasnt much like a discussion in the class.. relieved that my 111 class presentation is also over.. tho i m nt sure hw brenda chan will feel abt our ppt..cuz its kinda like not v thoughtfully planned,i guess thats hw she mite see.. esp scenario1.. poor me got alot of qns posed by the class. and trying to ans them, when i m quite sure i dun even know wat they are asking..cuz in the first place, i believe they have not really understood my explanation of d scenario durG the presentatn.. alex damn smug his scenario seems more feasible.. heng we nv let him construct the genocide/war scenarios he wanted..

i still thk the first scenario wasnt that bad la..i admit we assumed too much, and din really assocaiate clearly enuff what are the tings that are happening nw that will lead to our scenario..but i kinda stil thk alot of ppl disagree cuz like every1 had personal opinions n beliefs.. and even tho they say we were assuming things..in a way,they were also assuming that tings will nt change drastically. but nvm... its hard to say wat will happen to Sg in 30 yrs..i believe its just the way our grp thks is diff from the others?? *shrugs*

the idea of a bunch of 15-20 ppl who duno each other at all (or duno each other well) yet having been in d same class, having the same tutorial for the past one & a half mths is still weird to me.. gone are the days where in sec, even in jc still (tho pple are generally nt so close and mite nt noe every1 well unlike sec) every1 in class noes each other, and the atmosphere is so much close-knitted and got the kinda of discussion mode, where ppl can luff during the ppt when discussing..but in uni, its kinda strange cuz u are having discussion with ppl u duno..and tt kindas set the atmosphere where ppl dun really wan to discuss.. cant be bothered.. just keep quiet lor..the ppl nt really ur frens wat.. yeah tts hw i feel sometimes in tutorial..

damn sian.. feel so reluctant to go back tml just for 101.. already feel myself in holiday mood since tis monday..haha.. even more so nw.. but i noe itsz gg to be a BUSY BUSY week.. quek! (haha.. its a gd word in exchange for fuck) - charlene, u can go quek laona at the next social meeting, for wanting to put u in logistics.. haha!

tired..sleepy..

2005-09-05T19:55:00.000+08:00

today is a tiring day!!

was nodding away during the lectures.. and it was kinda unproductive..cuz it was KK chang.. and sometimes he's really incomprehensible.. and even when i wasnt slping i was like dreaming.. then 104.. nowadays i feel that most of the tings he say are in the slides.. very straightforward..and i feel as if i hvnt learnt anyting concrete so far.. its all like v abstract and vague.. at least for 107, i noe hw the newspapers writing style is supposed to be etc.. and for 111, wah..today, as usual, was like very fast n vague lecture.. esp dr choi.. i feel as if it wont matter even if i nv go..cuz he loads us with alot of info.. and usually cant copy down.. i wonder why we taking tis module even..shd scrap it la.. like social studies..and the 'range' of tis module seems v unrestricted like no boundaries.. i thk anyting that has to do with singapore can be taught, and can be tested lor.. its like how am i supposed to noe everyting abt singapore?haiz.. and it seems like i haf alot of readings to catch up next week as prof lee gave us a breakdown of the chapters to read.. seems like alot la..tho many was just supposed to be read generally, but stil means must read ma.. :(

v tired n slpy man..duno why..worried abt baby.. wonder if his fever has reduced.. haiz.. also looking forward to my driving lesson on fri..yeah..hope tis week i will perform better n not stall engine for more than twice?! =P

at least utopia/dsytopia ppt is done.. phew..

a sense of accomplishment

2005-09-04T18:53:00.000+08:00

a sense of accomplishment! :)

yeah... i finished my 107 assignment.. however, i wrote too much.. overshot the word length by abt 134 words! shit.. but i m nt realy planning to cut lea..cuz i feel it will b very brief and lack content if i cut any parts out..so dun care la..she nv warn say cannot exceed ma.. anw, it isnt that diff to churn it out actually.. must be the "procrastinator" in me doing its dirty deed.. and my lazy mind giving excuses.. hahs no matter what i m relived.. still got utopia/dsytopia presentation tis week.. hope tt tml meeting will be VERY smooth n no more WW III b/w my grp mates..

really lookG forward to the recess week next week! ah! i've been planning only all d 'where-to-go', 'who-to-meet', 'how-to-have-fun' aspects.. tho i m aware i must spend the week studying n catching up.. after the recess, i must try nt to allow myself to fall behind those readings anymore.. its fast.. i already spent 1/4 of my first yr at uni.. w/o realising it..

ahh..din get to sell any mooncakes..its simply too expensive la..even i thk so, so dun wanna get my parents to buy even tho they offered. like donating ur own $$ to the canvassing projects.. haiz.. hope that future canvassing projects by the biz mag team will be more reasonable.. if nt i wont b able to finish 2 lor..

going back hall later..sian.. tml will be a long day.. zzZz..

an encouraging day

2005-09-03T23:42:00.000+08:00

God intends marriage to be oneness..

today was mr tang's big day.. rushed down from hall to buona vista..and quickly hailed a cab.. luckily i was stil on time.. saw ms wee too.. haha.. reminded me of econs lectures.. time seemed to have pass so fast.. and it was kinda a funny feeling seeing a teacher that lectured u and whom accompanied u to overseas CIP trip.. only a handful of us turned up in the end.. me, yumei, yiwen, dorcas, jaren, andy & aeron.. itz like a mini reunion for us.. i guess some of them like aik meng cldnt make it in d end.. and hmm duno why huiyi also din go in d end.. and the funny ting was tt, rachel togt forgot abt it.. and i also togt forgot she's supposed to cum as well! hahs.. until i was in the train thking 'there seems to b some1 who i can go with rite? who huh?' den realised its rachel! hahaz.. was like shocked tt time, and due to my hp low batt cldnt call her.. but i suspected v much she forgot.. smsed her instead.. and in the afternoon when she saw the sms, she was in such a shock tt she called me n exclaimed.. hahs.. we were both like quite blur.. perhaps cuz we tot tt when the time comes, others will inform us where to mit and discuss wt to buy so we will get reminded of the wedding.. well, yumei did inform me..but guess i was supposed to inform rachel, but just togt slipped my mind that she is supposed to be informed as she is also in ocip hahaz..

anyway, halfway thru d wedding, i felt really touched.. tearing abit..hahs.. cuz i kept seeing mr tang's face.. it was like totally lit up with joy.. and its like a mushy, only-we-noe-it kinda of look to his wife la.. quite Oblivious to everyone else, and in their own world.. i felt that look was like a very amazing connection b/w them.. hahs.. altho it kinda felt funny to see mr tang getting married.. still rmb last time we always joke abt him and barbara.. and den always asking when he wanna get a wife,etc... and today we are witnessing his wedding le.. felt as if he has grown up since 2 years ago when he was our teacher advisor.. like as if marriage just suddenly has the connotation of him bcoming a real man.. like the pastor said; to lead in the marriage.. but anw, it was really quite an glorious experience.. and they are going to Mediterranean for honeymoon tonight! cool..

wanted to go for coffee togt with the rest after d wedding..but in d end we dec to meet up another day as most of us had plans already.. quite a pity.. we haven met for a long long time..thking abt the days of steamboat, pool, and truth/dare sessions, xmas celebrations.. all seemed so long ago..

i also roughly finished my 107 assignment..thanks to jiemei.. who told me more abt re'kre at NTU.. and i actually invented quotes la.. from wenxin, caddie n jasmine..hope they wont mind HAH! but i overshot by like 100 words.. and kinda tink my story abit not balanced..but erm, realized its actually more diff when restricted by number of words. cuz u gotta sieve thru all d info n ideas u have, n dec what u put in, and make them flow like a storyline within a context.. but v happy.. hehe.. also, thankz jiemei.. i cant believe u actually came to paste that note on my door..i was v surprised tis morn..make me feel instantly better.. *gan dong*..bu kuey shi wo de jiemei huh.. :)

had fish & co with yeoul-bo (still prefer to say ya-bu) just now, as he suddenly had a craving for fried stuff.. the 1st time, i believe, that we spent so extravagently on a normal not-special-occasion day.. but it was really yummy.. stil quite full now lor..thanks ya-bu.. wanted to go take neoprint.. (haha, today the market nv sell fish lea.. jk!) but when we just reaching the shop, the girl pulled dwn the shutters.. i found it such a dismay that sG shops close so early! only 9.15 pm la.. arent they supposed to close at 10 or 930?!! arh! our malls have no night life...shopping hrs shd be like, in my opinion, 10 am to 11pm! at least.. then ppl can stil catch laz bus/MRT ma..

sigh..i always use laptop i feel my arm or fingers getting 'sot'.. like electricity pass thru them cuz my laptop is hard.. ouch! really man.. i just felt my hand getting sot dao.. argh!better turn it off..
go Orh orh le la..

hateful feelings!

2005-09-03T00:50:00.000+08:00

I hate feeling lonely.. Is it to do with being alone, or is it simply PMS?
I feel sucky, all of a sudden.. i hate this feeling of emptiness, meaningless, purposeless...
God, help me overcome all these feelings of negativity before i turn into a depressing sight...
too many changes, too much transition, too much to cope... i am tired..

new beginning, new blog

2005-08-29T14:55:00.000+08:00

new beginning, new blog....

this is my new blog.. really new.. cuz its no longer i-scream-yoghurt.. no longer the sombre dark black skin (der wasnt a skin at all!!?? just black!).. i spent abt 2 hrs on it on monday... zzz.. is this new skin nice? kiddish rite, but kinda cute.. and i like the phrase 'we hold on to our dreams no matter how far..' altho the 'life is not what it seems wherever we are' is not so much sensible to me.. i mean quite vague the meaning.. actually tis website (mintyvintage.blogspot) already existed sometime ago.. cuz i had wanted to change the blogskin on i-scream-yoghurt, but then nv got down to do it.. tot shd start from scratch and just created.. but it was not touched at all.. and that day just had inspiration to go find a blogskin.. haha.. hence, mintyvintage was born! on monday 28 - 08 -2005! ha!

(entry typed on sept 2nd haha...)
P.S: i noe the above photos contradict tis entry.. as new beginning, i still put old photos.. haha..they were taken by jia'en.. i thk was in JC2.. when we went to collect rubbish on east coast..or was it to go the orientation run?haha.. hmm, its the latter! den me trying to act mysterious.. ask her take my backview..and i really do like tis 2 photos.. has a intertesting feel to it.. dun ask me why got that guy.. but like as if we purposely asked him to pose.. but no...he just happened to be there..)